Devotional

My soul is heavy,

As I kneel here before you.

My burdens hold me,

My soul wants to fly,

My feet long to wander free.

Break these heavy chains.

Lift up my face Lord,

Allow me to join the dance.

Dry my eyes, daddy.

Soothe my broken heart,

Let me be as new again.

Restore what is lost.

~6/15/2014~

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Beauty

Now my heart is free-

It’s a soaring like a bird,

flying till I join the stars.

Guess that’s why I fell so hard and fast,

like a shooting star in the dark.

Come into my secret garden-

Don’t you see the blood red roses?

I painted them myself.

Guess that’s what will happen,

when you play with thorn bushes.

Aren’t they beautiful?

Aren’t I beautiful?

~12-24-2014~

Cleanliness

Miracle of miracles,

a renewal of the soul,

A rebirth from death to life.

I am full of death and dirt,

darkness, rot, the very worst,

despairing of cleanliness,

desirous of purity.

Will I never be cleansed?

I believe you can do it.

I believe you can wash me.

I so want you to perform

the greatest of miracles

in my broken, filthy heart.

~2-16-2014~

Burdened

Why does my heart feel so heavy?

Why do I feel so burdened down?

I feel the weight of the world,

dragging me down, crushing me.

I see you across the room,

still doing what you did then.

Gossiping and spreading rumors,

lying and pretending.

It’s so cool to be the one who’s hated,

cool to be the victim, the hurt, the broken.

I’ve settled my wrongs at the altar,

I’ve been absolved of my crimes.

Why then do I feel so burdened by you?

~2-23-2014~

Frienemy

Why do I love those with no love for me?

Over and over I give my heart away

only to have it broken and returned,

ill used and and betrayed.

Jesus said, “love your enemies,

show kindness to those who hate you.”

Who are my enemies?

I can’t say that I hate anyone.

If an enemy is one who hates me,

then I have several hundred of them.

I don’t understand why they do,

when I’ve invested so much in them.

I only ever wanted their approval,

but they gave rude remarks and hateful stares.

Why do I love those with no love for me?

I suppose I’ll never know the answer.

~2-1-2014~

I Am, Am I?

I’m not used to people staying,

not for long and not forever.

They always walk away in the end,

cause they don’t like what they see.

When I finally let them in

they all recoil in disgust.

I’ve wondered what was wrong with me,

that I drive away my friends.

They used to call me poisonous, a bitch,

arrogant and difficult.

They call me hateful and shallow,

self-absorbed and close-minded.

How could they know what’s in my mind,

what I hold dear to my heart?

And how can they know who I am,

when they don’t bother to learn?

Am I difficult and bitchy,

or arrogant and heartless?

I do not believe it is true,

but I could be wrong again.

~7-12-2013~