Prayers and Questions

Here I am again
on my knees in pain.
My hearts been cut out
and I’ve been running-
from the pain, the truth.
I’ve been too afraid
(can’t let myself look,
can’t let myself breath).
~~~
God, I can’t run now
I’m just so worn down.
The truth has caught me,
but I just don’t know-
misunderstandings
(who is in the wrong?)
Oversensitive
(Is that what I am?)
~~~
Now I just don’t know,
and I’m surrounded,
don’t know where to turn.
These people mean well,
but hurt is lurking,
striking in the dark.
All these memories,
like caged animals
wanting to be free.
~~~
Do I have the truth,
the full story, God?
Did I miss something?
Are my guesses wrong?
When can I know, God?
See more than just me?
The world keeps turning,
my broken heart beats.
~~~
God, I will survive
like I have, so far,
but I’m beaten down,
my heart is bruised.
I want to be like you,
but I don’t know how.
Broken and abused,
I’m all about me.
~~~
You need to break me,
even though it hurts.
I need you so much.
You’ve carried me through.
When I’m on the floor-
tired and worn out,
pathetic, dirty-
you picked me up
out of my messes.
~~~
God, when will this end?
Constant reminders
of my broken heart.
Do they know my hurt?
Do they see my heart?
Does it matter, God?
Where should I go, Lord?
Where will you take me?
~~~
Will they stay with me?
God, how much longer?
My heart is restless.
I want to be elsewhere.
Grant me contentment.
If I must stay here,
put my mind to rest
and love me, my God.

~9/21/2010~
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