Every Time; A prayer

Every time I say I can’t take it,
I can’t go on like this,
it hurts too bad for me to continue,
every time I’ve been betrayed,
every time my heart has broken,
every time I find you fixing me,
helping me to continue,
to stay alive, to survive.
God, I don’t know anything,
and God, I can’t say anything constructive.
I can’t do anything right!
I’ve caused myself a world of hurt
through my stupidity, selfishness, and anger.
I fall to my knees,
say the words again.
Every time it’s the same,
God, something’s gotta change.
You’re my only good,
my only hope, my only chance,
and I’m so lost without you.
But how do I get out of this pattern?
Every time I have an ideal,
a place I can be,
a place with no pain, safe and sound.
Every time I reach it I fall again.
I can see it, I want to touch it,
grasp it and cling to it, but I can’t.
Every time I fall short.
Every time I fall into the cycle again.
You bled, you died,
you hurt for me, so that I can break free.
But how, God?
I can beat my flesh into submission,
but how can I make the mind submit?
Everytime I fail,
and every time I crawl back to you on my knees.
God, is there a way to break free?
God, show me, teach me, help me!
Help me, God, help me!
~6-18-2010~
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